and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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