Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
