Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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