My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
