I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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