if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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