somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize