hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
