about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
