The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
