they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
