A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You can't just leave with hair like that
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
