Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
