remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize