This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
