I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
