Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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