my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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