I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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