that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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