Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
