My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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