I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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