I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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