Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I could fuck to npr.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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