Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
