the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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