Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
