and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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