Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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