we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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