I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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