do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
