Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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