The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
