This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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