Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
