i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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