I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
