Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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