so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
