Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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