this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
