Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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