mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
