You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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