I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
