My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
