the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
