Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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