loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
