"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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