So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
