Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
