shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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