The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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