i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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