He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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