haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
