This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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