Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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