My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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