standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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