i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
