and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
