The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize