i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
