I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
