I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
