I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
