I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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