I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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