i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
