I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
